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A moment of contemplation.

Ever since I changed my beliefs from an organized religion dogma based model to a simple, I am the Creator of my own reality, and I am 100% responsible for whatever is my Life model, it’s been filled with scares and thrills, contrasts, observations and very much a getting acquainted with who I really am. I’m like meeting my Self for the very first time. But unlike the typical meet a stranger and become acquainted interaction that occurs with two people first time met, I don’t have the luxury of deciding that I’m not into the relationship, and walking away! I mean, it’s the real ME I’m getting to know. And the bullshit of putting one’s best face forward just doesn’t work, now does it! Yes, it’s viscerally raw more times than not, confronting the patterns, the habits, the faulty beliefs and assumptions accumulated over 60+ years of living! Finding the simplest effective approach, with the least amount of drama, and arrive renewed and invigorated is still my strategy, even as I peel the layers back to the all that is ME.

I do get knocked about often, especially since I am married to someone that has their own agenda and reality. And there is that belief-if Life gives you lemons, make lemonade advice, that I use to make if feel that that behavior is acceptable. But wait….I’m the Creator, I’m giving my Self the lemons, what’s up with that?!? Whoa, and here is another underlying belief under that, that there is no gain without pain. So is there truth that I’m using this relationship as an excuse to justify my own personal growth in some sort of masochistic way? Hold on a moment-there are strategies to gaining growth and expansion gradually without pain, so having this “pain” as an reoccurring daily element does give me pause…..oh, shit….

It does take all of my energy some days, to just get out of bed and DO, and by that I mean, take action of some sort. Because my challenges overwhelm my conscious minds ability to figure out the “right” course. Because I fear making mistakes, to the point of real paralysis! Still, I am crafty…. apparently, in this regard-because, after all, I am THE CREATOR of my reality, yes?!? Crafty, because the pattern interrupts so creatively fashioned, are not so disabling as to be permanently harmful to my physical body and yet serious enough to prod me to act on those choices, instead of putting them off another minute, hour, day, year.

Absent from this stage is a close friend, one that could comfort and cheer me on. No. I have to do this myself.  I very much desire rock solid intuition, and a self-knowing feeling from deep within, to be my compass, cheerleader, witness, coach and guide. And so the journey continues, moment by moment…

Moment by Moment

Pattern Interrupt (ouch!)

PATTERN DISRUPTION (it sucks on one level but does work)

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This particular day I do recall, was one of playful ease and relaxation! I spent a few hours walking a neighborhood filled with wall art and felt happy and light!

For whatever reason,  I am presently using an pattern interruption/disruption strategy to effect changes in my reality. This comes in the form of experiences that elicits a deep emotional reaction to a physical event involving other people in their reality perceptions.  I’ve become aware of this today, having not had any indication, prior warning, intuitive sense or heart speak that something was to unfold….

In the hours and days that follows, I go into alternate phases of high energy and deep recharge, in roughly a 3-4 hour interval, followed by a two hour resting period.  And it’s during these awake times that I am motivated to tackle all these projects/tasks that I’ve been procrastinating for months/years!  It’s as though my inner Self has lost patience with waiting for the conscious portion to act on what my personality needs, namely, to move past some really deep attachments to physical objects that no longer serve me and my desires!

I don’t particularly like this approach, because it is so jarring to my typical routine. Yet, on another level,  my current modus operandi  is causing me a fair amount of grief, in the form of body ailments and low level dis-ease.  So as of this present moment, I am choosing to release my resistance to following through with ALL these pending to do’s.  Procrastination does come with a price and I am no longer willing to pay it!

Wish me well peeps….will let you know when I emerge on the other side of this change tunnel whether it unfolds as I envision this change and the expected results.

UPDATE:                                                                                                                                                               Since I wrote this, I’ve had a sum total of three injuries affecting, to various degrees, the current task of focus – painting a particularly challenging part of my house. I’ve concluded that there is an underlying belief that is driving this – that the satisfaction or success I receive or will experience is connected to sacrifice and/or challenge, an idea that nothing worth achieving is without pain of some sort – in this case, physical body and mental distress. Recognizing such  faulty notions of “no gain without pain” and “sacrifice brings rewards” and decoupling it from my reality is new ground for me…it’s not like there is a how to manual on what is the most effective and efficient way to dump an belief and replace it with one that better serves me.

On another level, self-throwing “obstacles” in my own path is not being kind to my Self, but rather the opposite. So untangling my own beliefs concerning my own relationship with my Self is also in the spotlight. This awareness of my underlying feelings and emotions of being deserving, being good enough, being capable or skilled enough, and labels “clumsy”, “drama queen”, “attention seeking”, the desire to be noticed, the need to be appreciated, sacrificing my “body” for goal fulfillment, sympathy, all are bubbling to the surface effortlessly. This is not just a house painting task, but a tailor made experience to change to beliefs that better serve me! Will post one more update and a final take away as I work through these issues and finding more enjoyable and pleasant ways of experience life’s purpose ahead.

 

 

Putting Things in a Safe Place

Putting Things in a Safe Place

I had another one of those episodes again, of putting something in a “safe” place, for retrieval when needed. Excepting it  was not there when I went to get it! Sound familiar to you?!?  It’s happened twice with this particular item and I am quite mystified.  And pissed off until a few moments ago.  As I am looking high and low for this envelope, which contents contained information vital to an activity planned today, now cancelled-I began to reflect on the bigger picture of what is driving me to create this experience in my present reality.

One of the values that is important to me is the notion of following through on things that I’ve previously agreed to do, regardless of whether the circumstances or situation has changed since the time of the commitment or agreement.  More often than not, my enthusiasm and desire changes significantly in the interval between promise and execution, to the point of markedly affecting my performance.  So doing something unenthusiastically is such a royal pain for me! This dilemma – the integrity associated with the promise/commitment/agreement and the actual following through and getting it accomplished is my personal internal challenge and one that I haven’t yet found a solution that resolves this satisfactorily for me.

Renegotiation of the agreement is a possible solution to this dissonance.  So why don’t I renegotiate?!?  Fear stands out as the reason. There is a part of me that yearns for approval, yearns to be “liked”, yearns to be thought of as a dependable person that can be counted on.  Even if what I agreed to do is distasteful, or I no longer have any motivation to do it, I drag myself, kicking and screaming towards a successful conclusion.

Putting things in a safe place is a plain view physical indicator that whatever I’ve agreed to do is not something I want to do.  That’s  very clear to me presently! So  what do I do NOW to change this pattern that no longer serves me?!?  Recognition and awareness is one thing, action that results in a change in behavior another.

I CREATE MY OWN REALITY.  About time I be serious about it, seriously…….

Indeed think consciously in terms of plenty…(Seth)

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circa summer 2007

I can hardly keep up with my changing beliefs concerning my life, my experiences, and my present. To help you understand what I did to get me up to the present moment, let me recap some personal history. It was early spring 2007 that I followed what was a long held desire to retire early from a job that I did not enjoy but excelled at. I considered myself at the top of my field and yet, the stress of the work environment and the long daily commute in bumper-to-bumper traffic (going to and leaving from) reached the point of affecting me mentally, physically and emotionally! What made it difficult was the paycheck made life comfortable when not at work. I’m sure a lot of people can relate to this situation and choose to stay, cause money is the driver, and not quality of life!!

Well, I found myself after retiring, that indeed, I had effectively reduced my income by at least 2/3. But the upshot was that now I was free to work at something I loved and thrived in. Thus began my searching, investigating and discovering exactly what that new “career” would be!  At the same time, I was embarking on a new found zest for life and for the first time in my life, really learning just who I am – shucking off the pretend “me” that everyone else expected me to be and coming into my own as who I knew my Self to be!

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It was in the summer of that year, I found myself following a intuitive spark to go to a RFID conference in Orlando Florida. That ended up leading nowhere. I tried my hand being a seller on Ebay. Logistically, not the smartest thing to do, when living on an island in the middle of the Pacific. In the meantime, I had bills to pay and decided to go back to being a contractor for the military. Not quite the same job I had done previously. Perhaps being in a related job, but being away from the front lines, I would avoid the more distasteful parts of what caused me to retire the first time. Well, that turned out not to be the case!

In the meantime, I pursued a long standing love of plants and fish by getting involved in the world of Aquaponics. Exploring all aspects, roles and industry involvement. Sadly too, this avenue ended as a dead end by the fall of 2014. This seeking, experimenting and exploring process stretched from months to years. It is now 2015, and I took the time to reassess where I was, what my strengths, skillsets and experience levels were and I finally concluded that I could pursue a path as a handy woman, and be successful at it.

All the decisions, choices and actions stretching from 2007 till 2015 was a necessary part of my growth and development, even those roads that turned out to be dead ends! There is something to be said about falling down and getting up again. Some pattern emerges and awareness sets in. At that seminal moment, I get to decide to continue doing the same thing or choose to do something different! And find myself with new found power, by taking a different course of action, and changing it up a bit.

My approach is not for everyone, it suits my own unique way that I process and live out my life in this physical world. Would I recommend it to others?!? Emphatically NO. Find your own approach! Because really, each one of us is unique and only you know what works best for you. If there is one thing I would recommend wholeheartedly, it is this – love and trust yourself completely. With that single step, you will find your intuition and senses become your guide to successfully leading to desired outcomes, whatever they are!

Anyone that tells you that their method(s) work, or this, or that (and especially if such information comes with a price tag), let the buyer beware. I’ve been there, and done that! Met a lot of nice people – but then again, I still presently are meeting a lot of nice people! So you don’t have to spend money, to find yourself with the right people, they really, at some point of personal evolvement, just show up in the present, without the money investment.

I guess I won’t be pontificating on my heading today – it was just a trigger to sharing with you my past and current pursuits. Having abundance, in the form of ease and freedom from money woes, is a topic for another day. I am actively choosing to experience all of this, from an attitude of plenty. After all, it is just energy, manifested into physical form! I am the master Chef of my experiences, and am well on my way towards executing the perfect recipe for ease and freedom. Stay tuned…

Still in the Start-up Period

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10/29: Finally got the newly acquired (and very used) Kargo Master pipe rack on my truck. Had to do some surgery on the bed liner to get it to fit well. This expands my work capabilities as a handy woman!

I just got a somewhat rusted, but thoroughly usable pipe rack for my pick-up this past week. Amazing how just a few pipes can make doing the kind of work I’m engaged in just a bit easier. Looks like I’ll have to cut out some pieces of my bed liner though, to make it fit the bed. It does have all of the features I was looking for too, the main one – being able to remove the back two crossbars, just in case I need to haul something bigger than what can fit under the pipe rack itself.

My truck is starting to look like a contractors truck. After I fix the bed liner, I have one of those aluminum bed boxes to mount on the back so I can keep stuff on the truck and not have to unload it every evening. Another plus!  Little by little, things are falling into place, and I am getting more efficient as a handy woman…

It will be 11 months come November of fully operating this handy service.  I’ve managed so far to keep my screw ups to a minimum. From the outset, I accepted that I will make mistakes along the way, so no worries about overly stressing over costly errors of judgement! Still, it is a little challenging to be a start-up. I clearly see the advantage of taking over an operation, rather than building from the ground up. Establishing business relationships, buying new equipment and most importantly, having a process to keep track of labor and materials – is quite a handful, even as I concentrate on getting jobs done and managing job progress and deadlines.

As I compare my former jobs where I collected a paycheck, versus, being my own boss – there are pros and cons to both. I haven’t decided yet what I prefer, but one thing I do know, the flexibility and control over my time is something that I really love!  And thinking about the two ways of being gainfully employed,  in a way it’s unfair to directly compare the two, because it is akin to comparing apples to oranges.  With a paycheck coming from a company,  you are paid not what you are worth but rather on the least amount the employer is willing to spend to get a particular outcome.  When I do handy work for someone, rates are variable and are mostly influenced by level of effort, skill level, level of difficulty and quality level desired.  (to be continued..)

Early Start on the Morning

Ever taken something that has been well used, and decide, rather than toss it out and get a new something, you’ll instead restore it to new?!? Then spend days taking every piece apart, removing rust, tarnish, rot – replacing it with new, when possible, doing whatever is necessary, with the ultimate goal of restoring it to it’s former glory? Or close to it??

Such is the case with ME. This physical body that I was born in and had decades of use. The shell that houses my unique personality consciousness, my spirit energy or soul. While this human body is a little different than a mechanical one, it’s individual cells and organs can and does renew itself without any conscious or intervention on my part. Something gets damaged or worn out?!? No problem, the physical body just does it thing. Some scripted natural program kicks into action and before you and I know it, whatever is damaged is back to play again!

(a little time out, this WordPress program just wiped out a paragraph, ugh!  I am SOOOOO displeased-this girl wishes to go back to the days of the typewriter, when the only way to lose something was to take the typed text out of the machine, crumple it up and toss it in the round file…)  TO BE CONTINUED….

 

The Roller Coaster ride called LIFE.

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Not a picture of a roller coaster, but still a highly recommended fun place to visit!

Really, reality creation is better than going to an amusement park. Yes, really better than riding on the baddest, tallest, loop-the-loop roller coaster ride out there! Ever since I took responsibility for my happiness and well being, well it’s been a loop-de-loop, up and down ride of epic proportions. Quite a change from going through life before on auto pilot, blaming God, the Universe, my significant other, friends, strangers, the Government, et all, for what ever calamity I happened to be in, at that moment. Take away the blame game and what is left is, simply me, and my toys…..

Creating the reality I prefer and thrive in, is not for the faint hearted!  There is no “Reality Creation for Dummies” I could turn to for the mechanics of what to do and how to do it. Yes, I was dimly aware of my own still small voice, my intuition, my quiet heart speak. Time to turn the volume up a notch, but where do I find the damn volume control??!? I stare into the vast inner space and “see” seemingly a dark endless void. Where’s the light switch, the light that illuminates the inner realms of consciousness, I wondered? Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, and still I have yet to be enlightened. But what the heck, it took me awhile to learn to walk. I can at least give my Self some slack on this new way of experiencing life…

Out in the marketplace, there are thousands of life coaches, gurus, self proclaimed leaders of every persuasion, some free and others quite costly, all to willing to help me, if only I would click on the button for a $995 program discounted to $99. Yes, I’ve been down that road before. I’ve also willingly paid for $85 dollar sessions.  And in hindsight, I probably would have gotten more pleasure from more traditional forms of pain relief! However, it’s all good, because without those experiences, I would not be where I am today, this present moment!

Don’t ask me what tools are at my disposal for creating my reality. I’m still in the who am I mode! But there is one thing different than my previous life before 2005 – I love my SELF. Wholly, unequivocally, Unreservedly, with all my unique quirks, and way of looking and being. Because enjoying someone else’s total acceptance and love is predicated on the prerequisite of first having that love for your Self. There is no other way around it – this is a universal simple truth. And it’s not costing you 85 dollars-this priceless gem of truth is yours for free, just for reading all the way to the end of this blog! Cheers!!

 

 

My Real Dream

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Blueberries on the North Shore, Oahu HI 700 ft elevation

My present daily activities focus and center on completing jobs as a handywoman. My business, MsFixit808, keeps me active and creative and can be quite stimulating, especially when coming up with a solution to what a homeowner or property manager wants done. I’ve come to realize that it’s not my first love though. It’s actually growing plants, especially plants that produce things I enjoy eating!

My ultimate dream is to find a property on Hawai’i Island (the Big Island), and have a farm lust like this guy. Sambo Berries  What an inspiration! Fresh fruits, with preserves as a secondary income stream. Yeah, probably wouldn’t get rich with just having a berry farm, but, oh, think of the quality of life, the fresh air, physical activity and sunshine! Not to mention the climate variations, seeing that it would be further up the mountain than sea level presently. I could totally be at peace with it.

Mind you, it would have to be anywhere other than the Kona side. I thrive being upwind of the vog action that is part of the Big Island scene. Anyway, I’m putting this out there, Ms. Universe!  Make it so!

Beliefs, energy and Reality creation

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Exploring the Amy Greenwell Botanical Gardens on the Big Island.

As I continue to evolve on this phase of my journey, I decided to begin to tackle my underlying beliefs. “Like, where do I begin?”, I wondered, as if staring at a large elephant in the room. It’s not like going into one’s head and turning to the table of contents, flipping to the section where all my conscious and unconscious beliefs are stored, cataloged and referenced! And in all my forays into personal self development, much of what’s out there on this topic is like being on a sandy beach – each grain of sand representing someone’s opinion of where to begin – strategies, methods, techniques so varied and different as to be a chaotic din of noise instead of pleasing strains of music!

So I took a approach to just stab at it and see what surfaced. Actively acting on a heightened sense of awareness and focus. Thoughts, they come and they go – will writing it down help gel and flush out these invisible building blocks of my reality?!?  Oh my God, to decide to look at my beliefs after decades of being on auto-pilot is, NOT a romp in the park! Events started materializing and presenting themselves. Like causing a rear end collision with another driver in the early morning hours of the weekend. Or, more recently, coming down with an energy draining sinus drip that clogged my lungs and put my body in a focused state of healing and recovery. The fact that I have not seen the doctor in like four or five years was another moment to decide whether I would trust my body to restore me to wellness or put my faith in my doctor’s set of beliefs.

I can see, now in retrospect, that I have a slightly more developed sense of understanding of what it means to have personal integrity, in this world of beliefs driven reality creation. Hey, I’m mature enough to realize that if I want to run a full marathon, I would be starting with a couple of miles training and build it up to the full 26 miles. My muscles are capable, and not ALL at once! There are disused muscle cells to tear down, rebuild and reorganized to more optimal structures and systems to deliver the desired outcome! So it is with being brutally honest of where I’m at, where I want to be, and even as clueless of how to get from Point A to Point B, it still starts at the point of action, doing what seems like the best choice AT THE PRESENT moment, and going from there. I am not adverse to looking back, even as I awake every day, to do IT again, just to check my progress and make adjustments-even to course correct, and keep myself in a state of grace. That is, after all, is a key component – to be totally at peace and love, embracing and especially loving the unique essence of ME.

Still, having the energy to expand beyond my present boundaries is elusive. I’m beginning to embrace the concept that everything in my reality is energy that I am connected to, or is derived from, or flows through me. So “stale” energy or physical objects that are just occupying space represents both an opportunity lost and potential opportunity gain, tied closely to the belief of abundance and trusting my ability to create conditions that respond immediately to my needs, instead of relying on me to “bank” energy as it becomes part of my perception. Do I really “believe” in an abundant Universe, ready and responsive to my every desire?!? Or is my lack of belief, or lack of trust, fueling this strategy of holding on to every energetic object that graces my space?  Yes, I could embrace that whole religion of “Fung Seui” or simply see the concepts for what it is, in relationship to reality creation.Could fueling my Self, connecting to more physical energy, simply be a matter of releasing physical objects that have no short term use for my present area of focuses?!?

Beliefs are just that, beliefs. And each of us, individually and collectively go to great lengths to codify, organize and come up with doctrines, dogma and practices to contain and otherwise own whatever it is we want control and possession over. This insatiable tendency to lord over may be just a part of the human condition – not related to the consciousness of other species, be it animal or natural. Truth is, each one of us is unique – and our perception and experiences in this dimension is also not a one size fits all situation. The nature of free choice (free agency, or free will) makes it so for each of us, down to the parameters of our physical existence, who I associate with, the culture, race and country I belong to – an on to the most minutest level. And in this process I find others (consciously and unconsciously) that share my beliefs, and co-create with me. Get enough of like minded people together and a tribe is formed, that eventually expands into community and society, and regional geographical collection of shared and supported experiences.

So, I’ll end on this note – I’m letting go of “stuff”. Haven’t rented a dumpster outside, but am making trips to the waste transfer station and do fill up my refuse container to the brim every weekend. Sure, it’s gradual, and will pick up speed as I get more accustomed to letting go and relying on my growing ability to call upon the Universe and have it show up when needed.

The Seth Material views concerning Belief